Love in the Age of Corona
By Ariana Giordano, Sex & Love Columnist & Raphael Beretta, Creative Director
College students all across the world are facing the realities of their newfound digital life amidst an unforeseeable future. As seniors, it has been daunting—to say the least—to wipe away the exciting expectations of ending college and all the celebrations that come with it, and instead accept the unknown in relative isolation. Not only is our job hunt affected by COVID-19, but looking for love, casually dating and sustaining a committed relationship have either come to a halt or experienced complications. During this time of extreme change and social distancing, how are college students managing their love and dating life in quarantine?
Street art in Bologna, February 2018. Photo by Raphael Beretta
To find out, we conducted a survey for college students across America. We distributed the survey by promoting it on Instagram and sending it to various college students. A total of 161 students completed the survey, in which 116 were women, 42 were men, and 3 were non-binary. Participants reported attending schools including New York University, University of Central Florida, Temple University, the University of Tennessee, and many more. A majority of the participants were straight 21-year-old women attending Marist College.
Out of 116 participants, 57.1 percent of students reported being in a relationship, 41 percent were single, and 1.9 percent said that “it's complicated”. The majority of participants are staying with their families (53.4 percent) or in their own homes (34.2 percent), and are not quarantined with their partner (64.3 percent). The participants that are quarantined with their partner (20 percent) either feel closer to them (29 percent) or reported no difference to their relationship at all (25.8 percent). Only 4.8 percent feel suffocated by their partner, yet a large majority (40.3 percent) selected other, expressing that how they feel towards their partner depends on the day.
It makes sense that participants may feel closer to their partner one day and suffocated by them the next. Being with someone 24/7 can generate mood swings, especially during a time of stress and anxiety. These swings reflect a turbulent time: career opportunities falling through, altered academic experiences, a deprivation of usual pastimes and a constantly changing future outlook. Either way, relationship dynamics are changing. One participant explains the relationship shift with their partner because of quarantine: "Our relationship has rapidly progressed way faster than normal. We’ve only been together for three months but it feels more like six to eight with how much time we spend together. It got us out of the honeymoon stage way faster, but there is also a much stronger sense of comfort and familiarity as we’ve been a source of emotional support for each other during this time." Expectations post-quarantine may progress past a relationship’s natural state of maturity, with time spent apart bearing greater severity.
Other relationships are suddenly long-distance, even if they live in the same area. Students are staying connected with their partner by texting throughout the day (35.5 percent), video chatting (31 percent) and planning for the future (21.5 percent). The majority of participants in relationships are communicating with their partner multiple times a day (76.5 percent) and their typical video chat/phone calls are 1-2 hours (32.6 percent) or 30 minutes to an hour (29.5 percent). Only 18.9 percent are talking to their partner for over two hours, while another 18.9 percent are talking for just 15 minutes or less.
One participant spoke of their experience being long-distance while in close proximity to their partner: “Even though we’ve been long-distance for 5 out of the 8 months we’ve been together, and now [that] he’s home and only 25 minutes away from me, I’ve never felt more emotionally distant from him. I think the stress and uncertainty of this time are negatively affecting our relationship.”
Creative solutions to the emotional strain of uncertain conditions can provide much needed hope and levity. Due to living in separate states, one participant found that going on runs with their partner through a digital connection was helping. Another participant feels closer to their partner because of quarantine: “I became close to my girlfriend because of the virus. Sitting in on dinner with her family via Zoom was interestingly heart warming.”
New services like Netflix party are allowing for simple activities like chatting during a movie night to remain possible. Video-chat apps like Frankly allow for synchronous gameplay and video calling. The New York Times has reported on various “socially distant” dating ideas, like getting takeout in separate cars and parking somewhere scenic with the windows rolled down. Sharing hobbies is a powerful way to bond. Painting to the same Bob Ross video or reading a new book “together” are among the many ways to spend time together while apart.
As for single students, most of them are not using dating apps at this time. Many commented that there is no point since they cannot meet someone in person or are not interested in matching with someone from their hometown. A majority of the students who are using dating apps are simply using them for entertainment purposes to pass time.
Single participants expressed disappointment in not being able to have casual encounters in a socially distant world. "I cannot be physical with boys like I was hoping to be upon coming home. I wanted to meet up with guys I went to high school with or boys I met through Tinder," one participant mentioned. Those who are trying to date using online services feel that it is difficult to create a genuine relationship. "It's hard. Trying to connect with others through a phone is difficult. There are tons of people online and it's hard to find one person who wants to connect when they have a handful of other people available," one participant said.
Spending a disproportionate amount of time alone over the past months has given people an opportunity to reflect on what they are searching for in a relationship. One participant mentioned that "[being quarantined] has given me more time to reflect on what I want and why, and problems in past relationships." Whether someone is single or in a committed relationship, reevaluating one’s goals and ideals can be therapeutic and potentially a step toward a more fulfilling love life.
No matter how you spend your time or who you're with during quarantine, there will come a day when sweethearts will be reunited, and singles will continue their quest for love, casual sex and an understanding of self in this vast world. Until then, we urge you to reflect on past relationships and get creative connecting with others and yourself as much as you can. We need love now more than ever.