Beauty vs. Attraction

Throughout our lives we are exposed to various mediums that depict what it means to be beautiful, handsome, attractive and other variations of the same construct. I recently began to wonder: where do individuals fit within these concepts of beauty and attractiveness? What is our relationship with either of these things? This past week I conducted a survey with random people of various ages and genders to try and understand the relationship between these concepts. 

Is there a difference between the meaning of beautiful and attractive/sexy?

Female, 26: The inherent use of the word sexy and attractive concerns sexuality in terms of procreation and having a partner. Beauty has more to do with aesthetics and value instead of the ability to attract other people. 

Male, 56: Attraction is just a reaction to an encounter or something you see, whereas beauty is more than that. It’s knowing more. Beauty is deeper than attraction. 

Female, 36: Yes. Feeling attractive enlists the idea of engagement or interaction with somebody or somebodies, whereas beautiful is more singular. One can feel beautiful without necessarily invoking an interaction with someone.

What makes you feel beautiful? 

Male, 22: My melanin skin makes me feel beautiful because black skin is unique and shines bright in any weather. 

Female, 21: I feel beautiful when I am seen. Being noticed by the world as you are is the height of beauty. 

Male, 25: I feel beautiful when I’m thanked, celebrated or congratulated. It affirms that I have served as a source of light in someone else’s human experience. 

Female, 57: I feel beautiful when I lay in the sun.  

What makes you feel sexy/attractive?

Male, 25: I put forth a certain level of effort in the way I present my physical self to the world. It’s rewarding when someone is aroused by that.

Female, 25: When I feel most in control of my body and what it looks like.

Female, 59: Wearing Victoria Secret bras & underwear and my glasses. It makes me feel like I still got it.

Do you think that how you feel about yourself affects your romantic and/or sexual relationships?

Male, 25: I feel very comfortable with myself, so I know what I do and don’t want to experience in a relationship. 

Female, 20: One hundred percent. I recently felt weird about people looking at me sexually. I archived the thotty pictures on my instagram, and wore giant t-shirts. Since I wasn’t feeling sexy, I didn’t want to have sex or be sexual. 

Male, 32: We are all human. We have internal struggles and some of them are based on how we feel at that moment, day or week. As someone who struggles with anxiety, I can say that it has affected my past relationships and how I communicate.

Is the way you feel beautiful now different from when you were younger? 

Female, 57: I feel more beautiful than I did when I was younger and ninety percent of that insecurity was conquered because I have matured and realized there is more to me. 

Female, 36: I definitely feel secure. It’s really nice to stop giving a shit. 

Female, 59: I have learned to just be and love me and my body. As I get older, the most important thing is to be healthy (mind, body and soul). 

Is your body a good place to be?

Male, 23: It is a good place because it’s mine and if I didn’t like it I have the power to transform it.

Female, 20: In philosophy, we discussed the Descartes quote: “I think therefore I am.” The only thing you can prove that exists is your own brain. You can't really prove anything else exists. It’s just my body. It is not the important part of myself. 

Male, 32: Some days I want to crawl out of my skin. Some days I enjoy it.

Female, 25: I often times don’t feel like my body represents who I am. It’s the only place to be and it’s my job to make it a good place to be. I dont think it’s inherently good or bad.

Many people separated what it is to feel beautiful versus attractive by recognizing attraction as something that involves other people, usually in a sexual nature. Feeling beautiful is perceived as being much more personal. What makes us feel beautiful is subjective. We can do whatever it is that makes us feel sexy and attractive, as well as recognize what makes us feel beautiful. You can’t chase a feeling, you have to find it. I encourage you to reach into yourself and ask: What makes me feel good about myself?       

Contact our Sex & Love columnist at ariana.giordano1@marist.edu.