Bons Mots: Humor is Reason Gone Mad
A humorous little cartoon on nihilism. Illustration and design by Max Hochberg '25
A “bon mot” is French for “a witty remark.”
John Wooden once said, “Today is the only day. Yesterday is gone.” Not sure anyone’s made John aware of tomorrow.
-Kyle
A man came home to his wife after going to the movies with his friend, Richard. She asked how it was, and he said, “Terrible. There’s this new technology at the theater that makes a biopic for the audience based on their own life.” “How does that work?” She asked. “Well,” the man said “Using artificial intelligence, the theater takes a scan of your brain and a sample of your blood. It then calculates economic trends, family history and geographic variables.” “That’s amazing, what was Richard's movie about?” said the man’s wife. The man replies, “Richard goes on to be president and lives to 115. It was a four-hour epic about the pursuit of happiness and the importance of nobility. Also starring Brad Pitt.” “That’s incredible,” says the wife. “Was the movie accurate to his life so far?” The man frowned, “That’s the problem, it’s only a movie based on the rest of your life.” “What’s so bad about that?” asked the wife. The man replied again, “My movie was a short film.”
-Max
“With that, I’m gonna turn it over to our provost, Jill Dallcheck.”
*applause*
Jill Dallcheck steps up to the mic.
“Hello, my name’s Jill Dallcheck, provost here at School University, and I’m here to welcome our visiting lecturer, Amy Stine, a current professor of creative writing at College University, and whose work as a poet was shortlisted for the T.S. Elliot prize. So… what is poetry? Poetry, at least to me- and look, I'm not the expert here, Amy feel free to correct me. Poetry is about humanity, really. I think it’s not about finding truths without the unknown, but rather using it as a way to think freely. Poetry is able to express the things or feelings or ideas that you don’t always know how to express. A daughter is born and you see her face. Completely innocent, unblemished by the world, full of wonder. And maybe, all you can think to give this person, someone who’s fully new to the world, is a poem. Something to inspire them. To give this inscrutable person hope. To let them know things will be okay, even in a world that can be so unforgiving.”
Hmmm. Interesting. I’m sitting in the audience. This guy in front of me is scarfing down his chinese food.
-Kyle
Possible lines from early drafts of “Casablanca”
“We’ll always have ferrets.”
“Of all the retro-arcade bars in all the towns in all the world…”
“Here’s looking at you, dude.”
“Louis, I think this is the awkward early stage of a beautiful friendship.”
“Holy cow, Nazis!”
“Bump that shit, Sam.”
“We’ll always have Iowa.”
“Of all the gin joints, in all the towns in all the world… she missed mine and went to the TGI Friday’s across the street.”
“Round up the Usual Suspects… Stephen Baldwin, Benicio Del Toro, Kevin Spacey.”
“Everybody goes to Rick’s. In all fairness, there aren’t a lot of bars in the desert.”
-Max
Three formal men wearing suits converge at the bar of a charity gala.
“Hi, I’m Hyperbole Feldman, and I'm so thirsty I can drink 1,000 glasses of whiskey,” says one of the men.
Another walks over.
“Hi, I’m Simile Williams, and I like my drinks like I like the air we breathe: free.”
The third man trots over.
“Hi, I’m Oxymoron Adams, and getting a drink at this bar is the only choice.”
The bartender chimes in. “Sorry gentleman, but we’re out of alcohol for tonight. Anyone else who comes over asking is shit outta luck.”
The three men nod. A fourth man walks over.
“Hi, I’m Dramatic Irony Matthews, and I don’t think I can take it anymore.”
-Kyle
Two men stand in a record shop.
“Dude, all the music from the 70s is so much better than music now,” said one of the men.
“I know,” agreed the other man. “I wish we were there. There must have been so much more to talk about.”
In the 1970s, two men stood in a library.
“Man, all the writing from the 1800s is so much better than the writing now,” said one of the men.
“I know,” agreed the other man. “I wish we were there. There must have been so much more to talk about.”
In the 1850s, two men watched a play in a theater.
“I say, all the plays from the 1600s were so much better than the plays today,” said one of the men.
“I know,” agreed the other man. “I wish we were there. There must have been so much more to talk about.”
Two Neanderthals stood in front of a cave painting.
“Ook abba ung ook, bah.”
-Max
“Oh god, Charlie’s walking right towards us. Just try not to ask him any super open-ended questions, he can’t answer anything succinctly. It’s always a monologue.”
“Okay got it.”
“Here he is here he is… heyyyy Charlie!” Jack motions towards Dylan. “This is Dylan, I’m not sure you guys have met.”
“No, I don't think so.” They shake hands. “I’m Charlie, nice to meet you.”
“Hi. I’m Dylan. Man, that's a crazy scar on your eye? Long story?”
Jack’s eyes widen, shooting daggers at Dylan.
“Nope,” says Charlie.
Jack looks back at Charlie, waiting.
“Oh okay,” says Dylan.
Jack interjects. “Hey Charlie, I think you’ve got a mustard stain on your lapel.”
Charlie takes a second before speaking. “Well I actually intentionally leave a mustard stain on all of my lapels because my late mother–”
“Day 2947. To this day, I still can’t tell whether he would do it on purpose” Jack writes in his diary, his eyes twitching, as he sits in his cell, serving 30 years to life for the murder of Charlie Watson.
-Kyle
There is an important and distinct difference between pushing someone in a wheelchair and shoving someone in a wheelchair.
-Max