A reflection on what I wish I knew before college.

Hindsight -- it can be heart-wrenching, bittersweet, relieving. There is no way to quantify how such a phenomenon can feel every time it is experienced, but regardless of how it manifests, retroactive thinking always reveals significant lessons to us. Being a first-semester sophomore at Marist, specifically having been a member of the COVID-19 high school class of 2020, it seems as though there are countless things I wish I could have known before entering college. Thinking back specifically on my freshman year self, there are a few notable things that stand out that I either misconceived or was simply ignorant of regarding college academics, social life and personal discovery.

A habit I am still trying to break is my unhealthy desire to receive A’s in all of my classes. Perhaps my need for academic validation is so prominent that I cannot seem to let go of my intense need for an A on every exam, project and paper. As I sit here writing at my desk, procrastinating my studying, something I would have loved to know both freshman year and before, is that I am not going to achieve perfection in everything I do. Success and security are not defined by that superficial letter grade, rather genuine growth in knowledge and the testing of my potential should provide me with all the validation I could ever need. There is no harm in going the extra mile on a presentation or adding those extra paper sources, but there also is no harm in acknowledging and accepting the times when your true best did not live up to your irrationally perceived best.

My number one concern coming into college was making friends, and I think that’s something almost everyone can relate to. Coming off of a demoralizing senior year and the inability to attend any typical, in-person orientation events, my morale was low, so my number one priority going into freshman year was meeting everyone I could. The success I had was minimal, and it sent me into a handful of depressive states throughout the year, so much so that I was dreading returning to campus for this semester. However, being only a month into my sophomore year, I can confidently say that I have met some of the coolest, most genuine people here. What I wish I knew at this time last year was that real friendships take time to uncover, and you will drift away from most of the people that you meet at the beginning of your college experience. That detachment, though, is a good thing, for it teaches you a lot about personal growth and identity that you might not have found elsewhere.

College is all about finding yourself, but along that journey comes times in which your interests, desires and morals will be questioned. I was worried about losing myself in the college experience, especially last year when I was drowning in homework, hand sanitizer and loneliness. But, if I could tell my freshman year self anything, it would be to embrace what you will learn about yourself, the good and the bad, and remember that staying true to yourself is just as important as uncovering new sides of yourself. I have preserved some of my most valuable morals and traits to this day, but I have become more outgoing, accepting and confident -- all qualities that I was afraid of years ago. Identity is a puzzle that takes time to complete, but that should not make it intimidating.

Despite the unpredictability of how it can make you feel, hindsight provides many lessons that should be cherished. For me, I used my abnormal and obscure freshman year lifestyle to better the rest of my college experience. The things I wish I knew can help others in a similar position as myself, but they also remind me of the things that I have been fortunate to gain with patience, time and optimism.

The Beauty of Hindsight

MARIST CIRCLE