The Difficulty of Being Called By Your Own Name

How a person is addressed can have a major impact on their health. Credit: Unsplash, Alexander Grey

A person’s name is a core part of who they are. As anyone who has been called by the wrong name or had their name mispronounced before can attest, such a thing can be quite hurtful. Nowhere is this more the case than for LGBTQIA individuals, who may wish to change their name to reflect their newfound identity and place in the world or a person wishing to take on a new surname to reflect a similar change.

Marist College has pathways to change one’s name. However, such processes are often complex. If an individual wishes to change their personal name, they must contact the Registrar and fill out forms, but this change will not be reflected in their email address. 

Marist’s website says that to update your email, you must contact the Marist Help Desk. But when asked, the Help Desk said that changes to someone’s personal name for email purposes must be done by filling out a form in MyMarist. Furthermore, this cannot be used to change one’s surname, necessitating filling out a separate form with the Registrar for legal reasons. Changes take about two to three business days.

For Cara Stefanik ’27, the process of changing their name was an unfulfilling one. As a first-year student, when they participated in the application process, they could include their chosen name. Despite that, their chosen name was not immediately communicated to campus staff. 

“For roommate assignments, I was immediately deadnamed to my roommate. His first impression of me was a name I did not go by. Additionally, and more notably, my Marist email was using my dead name instead of my preferred name,” said Stefanik.

Stefanik had to fill out a separate form once classes began, which did not immediately take effect, resulting in further necessary corrections. Stefanik’s name still has not been altered in their email, and no instructions were provided for how to change their email address.

But the difficulties are not necessarily universal. 

For Emersen Tolman ’27, they found the name change process on MyMarist easy. However, they found the process of changing their email more difficult.

“I’d really like to see Marist make it easier for students to change their email to reflect their chosen names,” said Tolman. “Currently, the school isn’t transparent about what that process looks like. Since a lot of clubs track membership off of email signups, I most often get misgendered in club communication and activities.”

Tolman said that most Marist students and professors respect their chosen name and pronouns when aware of them.

“It’s confusing and frustrating when my old name is used instead of the name that I'm now known by,” said Tolman.