“Megalopolis?” More Like Megapoopoopopolis
A discussion of Francis Ford Coppola’s newest film, “Megalopolis” and its controversies and failure at the box office.
The poster of "Megalopolis." Photo by Andrew Breen '25
How much do you think about the Roman Empire?
Francis Ford Coppola does a lot, frankly — maybe a bit too much, like $140 million in debt too much. “Megalopolis” is the newest worst movie of all time, but also the best movie of all time. Does this make any sense? No? Then that’s the experience you’ll be having if you’re one of the four people going to see “Megalopolis” in the continental U.S.
Producers normally get a bad track record. They say no to great ideas and squander the creativity of artists. “Megalopolis” proves that sometimes, the producer is right, and your big, silly multi-million idea for literal decades is very bad. Coppola, the director of some of the greatest films ever made, such as “The Godfather,” “The Godfather Part II” and “Apocalypse Now,” is back in the director’s chair. “Megalopolis” is a film that Coppola has wanted to make for decades, starting back in 1977.
Inspired by the Catilinarian conspiracy of 63 BC, “Megalopolis” has one of the wildest production stories in filmmaking history. From insane rotating cast lists throughout the years to multiple failed production starts, it has a storied history.
The last time Coppola was forced to stop production was during 9/11, due to an unfortunate plot point involving widespread destruction in Manhattan. The universe was essentially deeming it impossible for Coppola to make the film, but he persisted.
Coppola even sold sections of his wine empire to fund the film independently, having become completely disillusioned with the mainstream studio system. Starting filming once again, it was delayed one time due to the COVID-19 pandemic, but finally wrapped up production in March 2023. However, the production wasn’t without its controversies. Coppola was accused of sexual harassment and allegedly smoked marijuana in his trailer for hours while, according to The Guardian, “…the crew and the cast would all stand around and wait. And then he’d come out and whip up something that didn’t make sense….”
“Megalopolis” follows the story of Cesar Catilina, played by Adam Driver, a genius architect with a bad boy streak in the city of New Rome — which is basically just modern-day New York, with a sloppy, shiny Latin paint job over it, crudely smashed together with Gotham City from “Batman: Forever.” Catilina sets off on a crusade to save society from itself by building his magnum opus in the Megalopolis, which is just as vague and nebulous as it seems.
This weird and potential Robert Moses allegory has the troubled architect face off against selfish bureaucrats, such as the mayor Franklyn Cicero (Giancarlo Esposito), the devious news diva Wow Platinum (Aubrey Plaza) and the most evil villain of them all, Shia LaBeouf.
At any time, “Megalopolis” can shift from profoundly insane to utterly cringe-inducing. It is the personification of “I am fourteen, and this is deep,” as characters constantly quote Shakespeare and philosophy, but the film seems unsure of having anything meaningful to say. Juxtaposing its pseudo-philosophy, it's chalked full of “edgy,” embarrassing sex scenes and often randomly throws out imagery of swastikas and Confederate flags.
“Megalopolis” truly fails at being a film on essentially every level. Technically speaking, it is awful. It's shoddily edited, poorly paced and terribly written, resembling a first draft of a high schooler’s fan film, rather than a million-dollar screenplay. The movie feels like it was made to kill the career of every actor involved — except for Jon Voight, Shia LaBeouf and Dustin Hoffman, whose careers are already six feet under. Coppola’s direction feels confused, as every actor feels like they're in a different genre, making for some painfully excellent schadenfreude for the audience.
The most unforgivable element of the film is its story, which is so resoundingly unsatisfying and, frankly, ridiculous. The whole drive of the story is Catalina’s quest to build Megalopolis; however, it happens completely off-screen. The utopia is revealed to just be a bunch of golden flower buildings and a new form of transportation, which is just those moving walkways at airports but somehow slower than they are in real life.
The conclusion it reaches is so asinine, so separated from reality, that it feels like a prank, that Coppola is going to be outside of the theater to steal your lunch money. That lunch money is needed, as “Megalopolis” is the worst opening for a movie with a budget of over $100 million in history. For a movie that is invested in creating a better society and criticizing the wealthy, the ludicrous waste of money the film perpetuates is oxymoronic.
Although the film is frustratingly exhausting, having so many talented people behind it makes you question how it got to this point. However, to the film’s credit, it is anything if not wholly and unabashedly itself. In the rare case that you actually go and watch this movie, you will be greeted by something truly unique, and to Coppola’s credit, we believe that was what he set out to achieve.
Nevertheless, it is an achievement of being over 130 minutes of pure, unadulterated nonsense that would work really well as a Youtuber’s seven-hour alternate Roman history video essay styled as a Linkin Park music video. To conclude, in the words of Marcus Aurelius, “go see Megalopolis, give Francis Ford Coppola his ten dollars, it really won’t mean anything anyways.”